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| First, let me say that I'm gonna try to write in this bitch for the pure reason of documenting my dreams. Every time I sign in to Xanga, which is on average, maybe once every 4-5 months, I become really sad. Sad for the site in general and sad for all the reminiscences of my past posts. I've finally hit that age where you realize getting older actually does suck, and that your childhood is only fading into a ever distant memory. I think this really happened this year, at 22. Every year prior was exciting: 14, 15, 16 was driving. Pre-14, you're still in lala land in terms of what the real world is like, and view yourself as being a kid forever. Well, maybe not a kid forever, but its simply impossibloe to truly imagine yourself as an adult. I had ideas when I was younger, but your dont really know until you gain age lie experiences. Anyways, 18 was tobacco and strip clubs, 19 was drinking in Canada, and 21 is drinking legally. Now, at 22, I feel like within about 2 years my perspective on getting older has done a 180, when I was younger (an by younger, I mean even as late as 18 after graduation) I couldnt wait to "grow up." Now, with every year it only shittier and shittier. I wish I could freeze time, right now, and be 22 forever. Its no secret that these are your prime years, atleast in terms of your body. Health, fitness, strength, endurance, and overall looks are peaking right now! And theres nothing you can do to stop the grind of time. I just want to be a innocent 17year old again, so happy to be driving, working a shitty job but thinking your rich (I kinda was--no bills to pay), trying to finger-fuck people... all that good shit. Atleast I can take solice in the fact that no one is immune to this. As you get older you gain more of an appreciation for older people. You're able to look at them and go "Wow, you were a person just like me at one time, look at how much you've been through. The pain, the joy, the love, the career they have gone through. I dunno, I digress, getting older is nice, but as I said, I know everyone always loings for their 20's, and I just wish I had more time to enjoy it. I guess all you can do is savor it as much as possible while it lasts. This is why this site makes me so sad, because it such a detailed account of what to me, is alreasy my childhoof- high school, and thats crazy because that wasn't that long ago, but when I think about all that I've been through since, think about all that we've all been through since, it might as well be a lifetime ago... Although I do consider myself the same person nowadays, same personality, which I think is good. Its good to find yourself and stay true with it. not to fake it or try to direct yourself in some divine way or something. I'm getting too deep, and my hands all already hurting, and my goal was to write about ym dreams before I forget them.
Oh, and if you're reading this and we don't know eachother very well anymore, and you say to youself "hey I wonder what that Paul fucker is/how he is doing nowadays (I know thats the convo you had in ur head before you came to my site) I'll give you a quick recap since high school. Went to UM. Majored in Biology. Want to work in Pharmacy and am currently applying this summer. Still a handsome funny mutha'ucka, and ladies, single and ready to mingle. Currently looking for a job beofre I go back to school. I love Ann Arbor, I've had a house out here for the past 2 years, altho I'm gonna have to go back to Ypsi soon when my lease is up. I'm very proud of my school, and will always be greatful for becoming the Wolverine that I am. Its a way of thinking about yourself and your school that only comes after being here for years, and only other alums truly understand. You could be such a fucker and I still be down with you if you went to UM. I know that sounds exclusive and arrogant, but c'mon its just school pride, any alum of any school knows this. But to me, its all I know, so its all I can speak of, bleeding maize and blue, as they say.
Okay, maybe I'll delve more into personal shit some other time, I do enjoy blogging. I just wish it was a little more visible in some way, more alive. Thats why it was so fun in high school, because it seemed like everyone was doing it, it was really fun, and to me helathy I think, to express yourself and put your ideas "on paper." Shit, even my dad is gonna start blogging soon I believe it will be www.youteeth.com or something like that. But I read something online that said blogging betters your mental health, and I concur a la Dicaprio (get it?)
Alright on to the dreams we go. Let me preface this by talking briefly about marijuana. I've always enjoyed weed. I dont think it should be illegal, and think its ridiculous that its still classified as a schedule 1 narcotic, which is defined as a drug with no known medical use and shows the potential for abuse. First lets describe abuse. Are casual drinkers "abusers" of alcoholm, a drug often abused, often lethal, and in my mind, with no medical use, besides maybe dulling pain when you cant get your hands on some fucking aspirin or something, abusers? I dont think so. This is another thing you learn as you grow up, is that weed is everyhwere! Everyone has or does smoke. There are exceptions, such as my brother, which i give him props for, but even he is smart enough to realize it is what it is, and that alot of good, intelligent, well to do people smoke. He expressed interest, lol. anyways, I like weed, however, dont smoke it all the time mainly because its too expensive to do so. However, if I were aksed to do a hair test, I'd be fucked because your hair documents all the drugs you've done for howeverlong there hair is. Hair grows 1/2 inch/month, and so the average male such as myself with 1.5 inches of hair records 3 months use. Thus, have I smoked in the last 3 motnhs? God yes. So, as I said, I'm getting into the pharmacy career which certainly will drug test, and I must assume it will be hair. So, about 3 weeks ago I stopped smoking completely, and shaved my head. I'm now bald and drug free. I thought my mind would be clearer after not smoking, but really, I feel the same. But, in these past few weeks of not smoking at all, I've noticed a curious effect that my dreams are just absolutely brilliant and vivid now. This is a documented effect of marijuana abstinence, and it kicks ass. I think its my brans way of getting its high since I'm not artificially providing it.
Last week I had this crazy dream where I remember myslef driving in the back seat of a car, and I was being toured around some foregin country. I think it was Dubai, or something like it. It was hot, with plam trees, and lots of sand. Definitely a middle east country with technology to impress. I remember catching site of this odd looking plane in the distance. It was a jumbo jet with another jumbo jet attached underneath it. As it flew across the sky, I became more and more impressed at what I was looking at. At first, I thought it was a plane that was going to crash. I was amazed, and kept watching. Slowly, the plane underneath began revolving from underneth so that eventually the back of the plane underneath bumped up against the nose of the plane on top, and eventually the plance essentailly doubled in length and was now one functioning unit. I was amazed that this long ass plane didn't crack in half, but eventually decided that this was another impressive technological innovation of humans, but one that certainly looked ballsy and bound to fail miserably.
This dream reappeared last night. I was at my dads house, and infront by his pond and by our neighboors horses, i noticed this conjoined plane. You could build it by chopping off the tail of two planes, but their asses together, and adding a long center piece that had no nose or tail, so that eventually you had a two headed, very long plane, with one both set of wings sweeping back towards the middle of the plane. It didnt do anything, but I found it curious and had an overwhelming feeling and curiosity of what the hell is that!
Last night, after the above image, I dreamt I was back in this on pseudo-high school again. I recognized a lot of people. Somehow, we all had to go back for some reason, and I kept thinking to myslef, this is ridiculous, I just graduated college and that Im way smarter now, way smarter than my teachers in fact. But, it was fun seeing alot of people. We were seated in this long room, that was like two classes combinded with small tables scattered about, each seating about 5 people. For some reason, there were all these hot ass girls that I always wanted to bone in high school there, and thats when I felt, "okay, this is gonna be fun, Im older with more experience, and shits going down this time." One in particular was Kasey Finnigan, a girl I've alwayus kinda had a thing for, got along with, and generally always enjoyed myself with, yet sad that it never went anywhere. This is true in real life I for all intents and purposes (its not 'for all intensive purposes' either by the way you dumbass). Anyways, fucking Ms. Anuskiwicz (I dont even rem how to spell it anymore) was there, and straight lezbo cockblocking my ass by getting on my for talking and laughing with my table and Kasey while she was talking about essays or something. I reminded myself that she taught me a lot about good writing in high school, but that 4 years later, in my arrogant Michigan think, that I could blow her ass out of the water, essay writing(ly) speaking. Somehow I was in and out of the room, finding myself in the halls, amazed at how the outside landscape of Lincoln had changed, while still the school was the same inside. I recongized teachers I knew walking around, and thought it was weird that we were all high school students again in our early twenties.
Anyways, somehow this dream slowly deteriorated and I know found myslef in an auditorium. This was a large auditorium, and somehow I knew it was in Japan, there were Japanesse people everywhere, all patiently waiting in seats. I also knew I had been there for some time, and was anxious to go back home to America. I found a group of rowdy Americans in this auditorium, and felt proud to be an American, and happy to find a group of roudy obnoxious Americans "representing it" whom I could talk to. My friends Ben and Eric where there and tried to get me to find a seat by them with all the other Americans who they were having a good time with. I now realized that this large auditorium was somehow one cab of a large train. The exits of the auditorium, supposedly, led to other cabs on this train. I knew that it was gonna be days on this train before I rode this train back to America somehow. I couldnt find a seat with them and looked to put my luggage down. I ended up sitting like an ass by myself in the front of the class. not by myself, but surronded my strangers, and I looked back to the upper right of the auditorium to see my friends having a great time with out me. Bored and frustrated, I found myself leaving the auditorium, and being confused at all the sings which I couldnt read. Somehow I made a wrong turn and was now off the train, and in a airport like terminal. I rememebr thinking "NOOO!!! I WANT TO GET BACK ON" but it was too late and I knew I'd have to find another way home. Again, I found a group of exchange students, many American or atleast Enmglish speaking. Some foreign guy said, "wow, my mom wont believe that I met An American like you, George Clooney." I said "What? I'm not him." He acknowledged, but said I looked and talked just like him, somehow I met his sterotypical hollywood American or something. I was flattered somehow as others concurred I was indeed George Clooney.
At this point, I woke up, and took a piss, eager to get back into my dreams.
Now, I was at this lake, a very deep, warm lake, that could be viewed like a ant farm, with glass sides to it. I was wearing some home built suit, which I thought was so ridiculous it was my Halloween costume. Something like Big Bird or something. But, it gave me amazing powers to dive and swim deeply and quickly in this lake and also to hold my breath for a long time. I loved this ability, but was aware it could be dangerous. Someone else weraing this suit came up to quickly, got the bends, and died. I was scared and was again in an auditorium, this time more like a theather, and was watching some type of a show. Some assholes were walking around with this weird, cartoonish looking Tigers on leashes. The Tigers were growling, and seemed to be over 10 feet tall, but were somehow mishapen, with skinny legs like the cat in the hat. Skinny and stripped. I remember saying to myself "Tigers are the largest catin the world, one bite would fuck you up" I was nervous that the tigers would flip and kill someone. (This is another motif of my dreams, I often dreamabout large cats killing me. I've had dreams about tigers, lions, and black jaguars which I all found fascinating in my brain, but my monkey primeval side reminded me that they were on the top of the food chain with us, and that they evolved to hunt creatures like us and could certainly kill us all. This is why we invented guns and spears.)
Anyways, that was it. But like I said, my dreams are vivid as hell. All this was last night. I cant wait to see what is in store tonight! More thoughts and ranting to follow. I'd like to blog about my thoughts on God, or lack therof to be more specific. Later
-Paul
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| "What, she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?" Some shit will always piss me off, I dont get it. I forgot how much I like Oasis. Probably the only example of non-rap music I actually really, really like. Its refreshing. Later "Cause all of the stars, are faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out Get up. Come on. Why you scared?
You'll never change what's been and gone?" | | |
| Heres a riddle, How do you become a doctor while still getting laid? Let me know when you have an answer. "Jesus Christ" -Mr. Slave Im really convinced that people that do really well in school must not get any poon. It really should be the opposite to serve as an incentive... Biochem is a dirty slooo | | |
| Well I went to the doctor, and had another EKG done. It had the same "abnormal" reading as it has in the past, and she explained to me that it shows I have a heart deformity, specifically a enlarged ventricle. Or atleast, thats what it shows, which she called a "false positive" as in, the EKG is just a prelimanary thing but not definitive. And she said thats why I had the ultrasound, and that they looked at the physical struture, and it was fine. So...., I had blood work done, and urine too. It was pretty funny, I had to piss in a bottle for 24 hours and keep it refrigerated haha. And, most importantly, on Friday I wore a Holter moniter, which is an EKG thing thats attached to you for 24 hours, and you have to keep a journal for. So whenever I felt a missed beat, I would write down the time and what I was doing. I feel better, the Holter monitor was a great idea. Now they can finally see electrically what the fuck is up when my heart does what it does. So I go back to my doctor mid-next week to discuss all the results. Its possible it may be as simple as an overactive thyroid gland, which the blood tests will show. I did some online research on hyperthyroidism, and it really sounds alot like what I may have. And luckily, a one round treatment of radioactive iodine, apparently, is the treatment and has worked well sice the '40s. So I'm hopin for that. And fucka Shevro, sorry my shits to serious for your nigger-rich self. Next time I'll talk about my rims and bigscreens foo, yeaaaaaa. Just playing man, thanks. Superbowl time, and alcohol. Oh, and I got tickets to see Clipse, March 3rd, at the Blind Pig! They were only 25 bucks. Thats a real small place for a name as big as them to be playing at. I cant wait, Im gonna be front row!! YEAH! | | |
| Alright, now all my old shit is public | | |
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